I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
