listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
