she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
