he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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