We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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