I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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