he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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