the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
