New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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