Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
