yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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