They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
