I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
