id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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