Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
