im holly from the hills drunk
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
