just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
