guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
