ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
