i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
