you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
