Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
everyone is single if you try hard enough
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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