Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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