My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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