he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
