you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
