What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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