and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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