Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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