I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
