The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
