like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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