It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
