I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
