I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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