Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
