every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
