Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
