I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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