I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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