margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
