What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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