He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
