The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
