I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
