Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
