I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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