He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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