Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
