I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Everything about him screamed your future.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
