no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
