my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
