forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
